Don’t Cancel Your Cable Yet

We know times are hard unless you were skeevy enough to have Madoff with a shit-ton of loot last year. Pay thru March, Tor(rent) up, or just boot off the neighbors for a few days. You must. not. miss. the HBO premiere of Death on a Factory Farm on March 16.

It Takes Two

Done. Next!

Send us some of that leftover schwag, and not the dusty crap y’all were selling over at the Cafe shop. We want that prime shit: three pink gestation crate iPhone covers, a veal crate playground set, and some battery cage keychains.

November Ballot

CHF: like white on rice, baby.

The Day Before Slaughter

‘Twas the day before slaughter,
And throughout the dark shed
All of us shrieking,
All soon to be dead.

The snare on my snout,
And the one on my ear,
First sun on my face,
Now I’m screaming in fear.

My piglets! My babies!
So small and so frail.
They’ll be lost if I leave them,
Please don’t drag me from here.

I’ll walk if you let me,
Don’t hit me, please stop!
My body and spirit, now broken,
I drop.

They speak but in curses;
No kind words for me.
More beatings, then kicking;
In death, I’ll be free.

Day in and day out,
Just straight to their work,
More pain, then the blood,
Tails and testicles in one jerk.

If you still believe in Santa,
Or walls you can walk through,
PETA’s undercover elves have holiday video,
Shot especially for you!

Wrapped and ribboned
And tied up with a bow,
From Murphy Family Ventures, and Smithfield,
Now you know.

Their lives are this torture,
Kept far from your sight.
Happy Hogidays to all,
And to all a good-night.

California is 40% Worse Than Iowa

Highest combined concentration of burger, bacon rack, and milk jug production units in the country. Yeah, the whole country. We beat friggin’ Iowa for shit’s sake. 120 pounds of waste crap and pee per cow every day, flushed out of the “barns,” into multi-million-gallon surge ponds lagoons of crap and pee, then sprayed on the ground surrounding them. And that’s just the milk-makers. Go play around with the Food and Water Watch Map. Diaper yourself beforehand.

On the drought side of the equation, 1,780,000 CA cows used for dairy are slurping up 4 gallons of water a day to squeeze out just one gallon of milk so you can suck it down your throat like you’re still an infant nursing from someone else’s mother.

Four gallons of water to get 1 gallon of cow milk.
Times 7.5 gallons of milk a day of “high production efficiency.”
Times 365 days a year.
Times 1,780,000 cows used for dairy.

Your ten-minute showers are already down to seven, you can’t afford to flush the toilet, and your house is burning to the ground beside the lake that’s gone dry. Don’t worry, it’s not too late to put off thinking about it.