Don’t Cancel Your Cable Yet

We know times are hard unless you were skeevy enough to have Madoff with a shit-ton of loot last year. Pay thru March, Tor(rent) up, or just boot off the neighbors for a few days. You must. not. miss. the HBO premiere of Death on a Factory Farm on March 16.

It Takes Two

Done. Next!

Send us some of that leftover schwag, and not the dusty crap y’all were selling over at the Cafe shop. We want that prime shit: three pink gestation crate iPhone covers, a veal crate playground set, and some battery cage keychains.

November Ballot

CHF: like white on rice, baby.

The Day Before Slaughter

‘Twas the day before slaughter,
And throughout the dark shed
All of us shrieking,
All soon to be dead.

The snare on my snout,
And the one on my ear,
First sun on my face,
Now I’m screaming in fear.

My piglets! My babies!
So small and so frail.
They’ll be lost if I leave them,
Please don’t drag me from here.

I’ll walk if you let me,
Don’t hit me, please stop!
My body and spirit, now broken,
I drop.

They speak but in curses;
No kind words for me.
More beatings, then kicking;
In death, I’ll be free.

Day in and day out,
Just straight to their work,
More pain, then the blood,
Tails and testicles in one jerk.

If you still believe in Santa,
Or walls you can walk through,
PETA’s undercover elves have holiday video,
Shot especially for you!

Wrapped and ribboned
And tied up with a bow,
From Murphy Family Ventures, and Smithfield,
Now you know.

Their lives are this torture,
Kept far from your sight.
Happy Hogidays to all,
And to all a good-night.

New AVMA Fark Tag Debuts

Florida has one. Why not the AVMA? It’s not like they’re undeserving of the honor. Did you know, for example, according to the delegate from Vermont, taking a cat’s temperature is more distressing than producing foie gras?

If we may be so bold as to make a suggestion to the delegate, as well as a perfectly valid and science-based request for a self-funded research study using himself, TPP’s cat, and a duck as subjects:

You’re welcome. And don’t forget to tag!