Hatch debris

We’re talking biological debris here, not your garden variety roadside rubble and ruins. Cellular-type debris, damaged or dead tissue, over and above extracellular artifacts on a badly prepared slide. So what is “hatch debris,” exactly? Baby birds hatch from an egg, so it must be the remains of the egg shell in the nest, maybe some tiny feathers, and a bit of albumen goo.

Yeah, that stuff. Icky, but that’s birthing—somebody’s bound to get dirty.

“Hatch debris,” as it turns out, is a bit more involved. It’s bigger than a piece of broken shell. It has wings that twitch under those downy feathers and tiny toes that curl. It breathes and peeps and blinks.

“Hatch debris” was me. You can feed yourself on Thursday and for the rest of your life without ever feeding into this.

Can’t face another Tofurky?

Nervous about its explosive potential? Unturkey too frighteningly realistic and no Garden Protein store in sight? Help is on the way.

Vegan holiday meals are just as fragrant, filling, fattening, and delicious as their animal-derived counterparts. Cook. Eat. Impress your multivorous friends and relatives. Do you really wanna shell out $47 a plate just so Madeleine Bistro can bail your no-water-boling ass out again? We know they rock—we eat there.

We also know you really didn’t cook all that stuff last year because we chipped in at your rent party when you came up a little short for December. Buy a vegan cookbook. In the long run, it’ll be more economical for all of us.